The Book of Laughter and Forgetting
by wonderwall05
Summary: It had been purely sexual at first. Hermione had abstained for all her life and she was tired of putting up her charade of the Virginal Hermione Granger friend of the Boy Who Lived. Blaise had proven to be a perfect way to prove them all wrong.
1. Come True

This was one competition that she wasn't willing to win. They had made this unspoken challenge the first time they kissed. They consummated the challenge not too long after. Hermione knew that there would be a winner or a loser but neither appealed to her, because no matter how it turned out she would still lose. They were forbidden to be together, two people of their positions were never _meant_ to be together. It had been purely sexual at first. Hermione had abstained for all her life and she was tired of putting up her charade of the Virginal Hermione Granger friend of the Boy Who Lived. Blaise had proven to be a perfect way to prove them all wrong. Not that anyone knew. It was their secret, like their challenge had been secret to them for a long time. He had made it clear that he would never love her and she agreed that wasn't what she wanted. It hadn't been what she wanted but somewhere along the way that had all gone to shit.

Hermione had realized it one day as she stood with a group of her friends and all she could think about was meeting him that night. It struck her hard and she couldn't breathe, her muscles pumped but her lungs refused to expand. She was in love with him, and it was the one thing she had never wanted. Hermione had fallen to the ground and been rushed to the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey said that she was in shock, from what she could not say, but all the symptoms were there. She was released that afternoon and fine for her late night rendezvous.

Hermione had always wanted that happy ending marrying a loving husband, and having a beautiful family. She had not wanted this. This mockery of an affair, he was just as cold and impassive as the day she had met him, and she knew that her love would do nothing to break his cold exterior. It would only break her.

There would come a day when they could no longer be together and she knew he would win, he would leave her. Hermione knew she could never utter the words that would make her the winner, even though withholding them was causing her this immense pain in her heart. Blaise would leave without a good bye without a final kiss for her to remember him by. He was not one for goodbyes often leaving in the night, and there would be only an indent on the bed beside her to even indicate that he had ever been there. He was going to leave and erase his memory of her, one day he would find someone, maybe even someone he was able to love whereas he had been so incapable with her, and they would be married and produce beautiful children and live in the beautiful house that Hermione so desperately wanted.

Yet even with those thoughts she returned to his arms every night and let his kisses fool her. She let herself think that just a minute more with him was worth what she was feeling. She let herself think that maybe there would be no winner or loser for their challenge, but perhaps that love would win and they could be together, that she didn't have to fear the day that he would be lost to her.

Oh! She was tired of her thoughts of constantly wondering about him, trying to sense something that came from him any kind of emotion! She was sick and tired of being in love with such cold insensitive bastard! A cold insensitive bastard that made her feel like the most perfect, intelligent _woman_ in the world. For someone so dead he made her feel so alive. She knew she would die without that feeling. Knowing it once was enough to have her hooked for life, and without it she would wither forgetting her family and friends and just slowly dying.

She had waited a long time to come to her decision, and it pained her still. She would tell him and he would leave her. He had to leave her now or she would never be able to let go. It would painful she would end up crushed but at least she would never want that minute where everything seemed okay. Maybe over time she would be able to forget him. Maybe one day she would find a husband and have children. Maybe all her dreams could still come true.

A/N: This is really depressing and I am fighting myself to keep on the track that I made for this story and not write a fluffy happy ending because that's all I seem to do. I wanted a different angle for this one. I might write about Blaise and Hermione's first time together (people cheer at the thought of smut). Yeah yeah you whores. Just kidding! Anyhoo I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: The title of this story is taken from Milan Kundera's book _The Book of Laughter and Forgetting. _I have no claims to the title and am only using it for this story.

Always and forever,

Wonderwall


	2. The First Time

Hermione Granger wanted nothing more than to take the book she was reading and hurl it straight at Ron's face. But of course she couldn't, she wouldn't. She was Head Girl and had an example to set therefore she sat still her hands gripping the edges of the book tightly as he went on moaning and complaining about some pointless thing again. Harry sat beside him nodding along and apparently agreeing. She wanted to throw a book at his face as well. Hermione sighed inwardly feeling so separate from them, feeling so alone. Where was an intelligent person who could actually speak about something besides Quidditch? Ginny wasn't any better than those two, she was so completely enamored with Harry that Hermione was sure that she had lost all residue of her own personality and was just what Harry wanted now.

"Hermione were you listening to me?" Ron asked.

"No." She replied and watched as his face registered surprise.

"Why weren't you listening?" He asked starting to look angry and she rolled her eyes.

"Your conversation was completely pointless and mainly consisted of you complaining so I found ignoring you to be the best course of action." She said and they were all gaping at her.

"Why are you being such a bitch?" Ron said angrily obviously offended by what she said.

"I'm sorry if the fact that all you ever talk about is Quidditch or the fact that when you actually include me you just need help with homework!" Hermione said standing up and glaring at him. "I'm not sorry that I feel the need to have an intelligent conversation!" They were all looking at her their faces wide open for interpretation.

"I think you are overacting Hermione." Harry said but his face was hard, he was angry with her.

"I think you need to shut up Harry, I know you like to be a part of everything but this is between Ron and I." She said harshly and Harry glared at her. "Oh why should I even try you'll just side with him anyways!" She said exasperatedly waving her hand in Ron's direction. No one said anything so she turned and left the common room.

She walked aimlessly letting her hand drag over the cold stone walls and just wandering. Hermione guessed that she was supposed to feel guilty for snapping at them but she just felt satisfied but that wasn't enough to cover up her extreme loneliness.

"Got in a spat with Weasely again, Granger?" A voice rang out and she turned to see who it was.

"Zabini," She said tiredly moving to a bench to sit down. He came forwards and he towered over her, she had never really noticed his height before but now it was intimidating, attractive even.

"You really shouldn't be wandering the dungeons at night." He said without any real concern for her.

"What?" She said looking around and seeing the unmistakable torches. "Oh figures." She said lightly leaning back against the wall.

"Matches your mood?" He asked leaning against the wall but still facing her.

"Exactly." She said closing her eyes. They stood there in silence one Hermione didn't even bother to break.

"You're too intelligent for them." Zabini stated as he looked at her. She just watched him as he stood there. It was so obvious but no one had ever said it to her before. "If you ever need a knowledgeable conversation…" He let the sentence hang before moving off the wall and heading down the corridor.

"Zabini wait!" She called running after him, he turned raising an eyebrow. She had no idea why she had called him or what to say. Hermione reached up placing her hands on his face, his expression didn't change, and she knew what she was about to do wasn't what the Head Girl or Hermione Granger the Friend of the Boy Who Lived would do. Slowly she pulled him down before crashing her lips against his.

A/N: So this is the beginning of the relationship. You people called for it and I delivered hopefully I'll be able to keep it together. I don't think this will be very long, a.k.a I don't want it to be very long.

Your hating the fucking rain right before Christmas author (obviously I wrote this a while ago and don't care to change it),

Wonderwall


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